The Fear to Commit

I have always said that I’m not a risk taker. Some times even smugly. 🤨😐 I’m afraid to make a misstep by taking “too much” risks that might ruin me forever. So ominous! 😱 So all my life, I’ve spent so much time introspecting, thinking, “predicting” what would happen if I make this or that choice. 🤔 To the point that I try to “predict” 🔮 what my life is going to be like when I “end up” with this guy sitting in front of me who I’m dating at that moment. 🤪 Yep, I do have that very bad habit of jumping to conclusions. 😬 And guess what, I end up being single until now. Now, that’s predictable! 🤣

Let’s get back on the topic of the fear to commit. I have it obviously. 🙋🏻‍♀️ Fear to commit to a relationship, to get serious about that side hustle, to do what I want to do because I have the gnawing feeling that I’ll be good at it, to do what I think will make you happy. All because of the bigger fear to fail. 😵 Fear of being broken hearted. 💔 Fear of not being able to find that perfect strategy. 📈 Fear of being not good enough at what I want to do. 🙅🏻‍♀️ Fear because #adulting and therefore cannot just do something just because it makes me happy. 😓

Then this morning, I stumbled upon Marie Forleo’s interview with Seth Godin about “The Truth About Your Calling” and how we’re wasting the chance of a lifetime.

Seth Godin was saying … “Don't wait for ‘the calling’ 📞, the ‘right time’ ⌚️ or wait until you figure out what your ‘passion’ 🔥 is, still looking for the ‘perfect purpose’ 🙌🏼. This isn't about waiting for the right answer because there is no right answer. There are challenges we can sign up for and emotions we can experience. It's like waiting to find the ‘right’ horse 🎠 to come on the carousel while 6 or 7 of them have already passed you by. Just get on any of the horses on the carousel! Finding a thing that works is sufficient already. 👌🏼 Nobody is asking you to be that inventor 👩🏻‍🔬🤓 who invents something that never existed before. All that's asked of you is to choose to matter in a way that aligns to who you want to be 😌.”

Hearing this gave me what Oprah calls an “aha” moment. 🤔💡 It’s like I’ve been waiting for “The One”. ☝🏼 The one guy, the one job, the one thing. I can’t believe I’ve fallen into that trap! 😖 And therefore cannot choose which horse on the carousel to get on! 🤷🏻‍♀️ So now I’m still on the platform, still waiting, still thinking, still cannot decide which one to just hop onto! 😳 And here I am, snooty-nosed 🤥 thinking I have totally avoided and skipped over that hole.

In some other aspects of my life, I have accomplished things by just starting to do something and figure it out while doing it. Faking it til I make it. But for some of those chances that I took, I have stumbled. 🤕 I have failed. I have lost. I have changed my mind after figuring out it’s not what I expected or what wanted in the first place. 🥴 But these “failures” have made me feel like it’s not okay to fail. 🙅🏻‍♀️ Like it was a waste of my time and effort. That I should have known better than to take that chance. 🙍🏻‍♀️ That I should do better next time by taking more time to assess the risks before choosing to do anything. Avoid failure at all cost!

Seth Godin explained … “Quit before you start means to outline the plan, act as if, describe what would happen. Then decide whether you’re in until the end or you’re not. Usually the last part is when we get stuck and let it sit. 😑 And sometimes we let it sit too long because I’m afraid, 😨 I don’t want to commit 3, 5, 7 years of my life to build something. So we’re hesitant to commit.”

So it’s not like you just jump onto any horse without thinking. You still have to educate yourself as much as you can 👩🏻‍🏫 about that thing you are considering to do. Risk assess as you should. 🤔 But avoid getting into analysis paralysis, cannot decide, let it sit and then end up not doing anything. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Now that’s a waste of time and effort. It’s better to realize that something won’t work for you and therefore you decided not to pursue it than not deciding at all. Because at least now you know that thing won’t be another what-if that keeps you wasting more time wondering.

So yes, I have quit even before I started … on a lot of things, now that I’m thinking about it. I have a laundry list of them. 🧺 Drowned in analysis paralysis 😵, not able to decide, not able to commit. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I do have commitment issues! 🤮 Why? Because I’m afraid to make the “wrong” decision. I’m afraid to fail! 😫 

My decision-making mechanism is to analyze and expect the worse. 😰 If I think I can handle the worst-case scenario, then I’ll take the plunge. 🏊‍♀️ So let me use it now. What’s the worst-case scenario with making a commitment? Failing. 😖 So what can I do when I fail? 

Marie Forleo asked Seth Godin … “So what do we do with failures when it happens?” He answered ... “Think about it like playing monopoly. ♟🎲 💵 Unless you are a 4-years old, when you lose, you don’t take it personally. It might be because you made a few mistakes on your strategy. It’s not about you, don’t throw a tantrum 😤, don’t beat yourself up 🤕. It’s just a game. 🎮 What you do is you learn from the way you played that game that you lost and you apply the learning to the next round that you’re going to play. Apply the same mindset when you failed at something. Learn from your mistakes and start over again, but now knowing better. 😌 Now you know that you’ll be better at the game because now you can approach it with joy 🤗, without being locked up in intense fear. Realize that it’s not fatal. So don’t act like it’s fatal.”

I’ve always known that I can always start over again when I fail. I just don’t like the negative feeling I get when I fail. So the words “now you can APPROACH IT WITH JOY” 🤗✨ when starting over after a failure because “IT’S NOT FATAL” 💪🏼🥴 … makes sense to me this time. I have to change my mindset about failing. That I should be happy I found a way for something not to work. So let’s find another way to do it! 🔍 Yes, I’ve heard that a thousand times, said in a thousand ways. Nodded my head to it, thinking that I get it. Heck, I’ve even said it to friends 🤥 when they needed to be comforted. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. So is it going to kill you? 😵 No? Then what’s the matter?” I thought I got it. Apparently not fully yet. 😪 But I’m glad that this time, it clicked on another level for me. 🙌🏼 So that’s what Jen Sincero was referring to on her book 📖 called “You’re a Bad Ass at Making Money” 💰 about needing to raise your frequency to match the frequency of the Universal Intelligence (commonly known as The Universe, God, Spirit, etc.) to finally have an “aha” moment. Well, I guess I have finally raised my frequency to receive this lesson from the Universe. 😅 And I am thankful. 🙏🏼 #blessed

Seth Godin said … “It’s like playing Jeopardy. Most people who win 🥇 on Jeopardy are not necessarily those who know the answers, it’s those people who press the buzzer 🖲 first. And the only way to press the buzzer before everyone else did is to press the buzzer before you’re sure you know the answer. 🤯 Just press the buzzer and in the last moment, you’ll think of the answer.” 🏆

If you give the wrong answer ❌ and lose to somebody else … it’s not fatal. 👌🏼 Just keep playing.

Seth Godin also said … “We have to acknowledge that we have finite resources, finite time ⏳, finite connection 🤝. How will we use them to produce outcomes that we’re proud of? The worse thing to do according to Zig Ziglar is to be a ‘wandering generality’. What you need to do is to be a ‘meaningful specific’. 🧐 It means you have to claim it, put yourself on the spot, make a promise and say “I’ll do this. You can count on me. That’s what you’re going to get from me.” 👊🏼😊

It’s going to be hard to fight my habit to over analyze and my fears and aversion to making mistakes. But I know better now. So I can do better. 💪🏼 Time to review all the things I’ve considered but put on hold because of that fear. I will have the audacity to dive face first into my biggest fear. I may pee in my pants 🤭 but who cares! I’ll just wear a diaper. 😅

First step 👣, public speaking. 😱 I may stutter like Duffy Duck 🦆, stumble like Porky Pig 🐷 and freeze like Wylie Cayote. 🥶 Pee in my pants 👖 if I must. But do it, I will! 😎 Let’s see how that goes. To be continued ... 😂